One of the main things that stood out to me was that your thesis does not necessarily stay the same throughout your paper. It evolves with new ideas and facts about your evidence. My thesis is my drafts never stay the same. I usually change and edit my thesis a couple of times while typing my paper. In order to make a strong thesis, it has to have evidence to back it up instead of just generally stating something that you think about the paper. Repetition is a good thing, but over stated it in a paper continuously is very weak. It must have new ideas and thoughts to add to the repetitive statements. My paper is similar to this draft because i start off with background information and telling the reader what is going on with the subject i am writing about. I then go back and look at my evidence and present an argument about it throughout the paper. It is very important to answer the questions that are being brought up, so that you have something to focus on when you are writing. The writing is different than mine because it is organized better than some of my papers, and it tends to flow well and has a well thought out argument.
-Mary Sullivan
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